harusnya di POST tgl 21 juli

this was really me :

My blog

07 nen, shichigatsu, 21nichi

-------L O S T-----------

Today was the graduation day of my university. It was supposed to commemorize the graduation for the university student , and actually it was for the generation of mine. And actually I’m not on it. For some particular reasons I couldn’t attended it, even I just congratulated my friends who’s graduate this time by mail. Hidoi ne?! Demo, sou ga nai jya. I can’t help myself for being envying them too much.

I just kept my self patient with all the stuff they said ‘bout their graduation. It’s not just about envying them, or maybe it was an accumulation of my loneliness for being leaved by them. Euhmmm, iya da yo. I don’t think so.

I was think about my whole life since I knew how to think ‘bout my self ‘till almost 22 years of mine. I was releaved that I got such fortune to be rised In a peacefull family without any serious problem which shake the balance of my childhood life. Then my father leaved when I was 11. It was the only thing shifted my paradigm of life. Since I was very young at that time I don’t even realized that those things might be have some influences in the present time.

Maybe I don’t think too much about being a daughter of single parent family that time. Since I was young my mom always teach and condition us , her daughters felt brave and did all the things by ourselves. I proud for having such wonderfull and strong woman like that as my Mom. (Itsumo arigatou, Kaasan !). Those things flowed as I grew and become adult. I didn’t realize that there’s something lost in my life, not like other person who didn’t lost a part of their life. I didn’t realize a single thing that made significant shifting in my perception of life. Then, when I was lost in the jungle of confusions to decide what should I do for my future.

It was a while when I realize, What should I do for my whole future? What should I make to plan for my next step? When I look around me, my jaw was down. I Do Not Know About Those Things YET. It was totally failure for my self that time. Few days ago, I was felt down and always feel turn down by all things happened to me.

Then, that answer came to me. It was a chat with my friend. My highschool life friend ‘though he wasn’t my highschool friend. I shared my problem that time , and tremendously he can describe my whole confusions. Sugoi na???? Eventhough it was very simple to guess, but those seemed very incredible that time. Life tremendously flow without our selfishness to make it go with our own plan. “NARIYUKI” (go with the flow). Maybe that’s the exact word to express that mysterious answer. Just that simple thing made me realize that I was wrong to put my attention to plan my future. Life isn’t a thing to be think of. Just let it flow and let yourself realize a think to be thinked of when you find a single wonderfull thing in it.

Then, 2^nd answer came too. The song flow and obviously touch my heart without I knew the whole lyrics meaning. Just caught up some words in it “ number 1 ni naranakute mou ii” which means there’s no need to be always be No. 1. Lately I found the title, Sekai ni Hitotsu no Hana. That’s sang by an important person. A person which was very close to my heart but pretty far from my existence.

There's no need to be No. 1
you've always been a very special only one.

I saw many kinds of flowers lined up in front of the flowershop.
everyone has their favorite kinds but all of them are pretty.
Without competing to see which was the best among them,
they were standing straight up proudly inside the bucket.
So why then do we humans have to compare ourselves to one another?
Eventhough each and every person is different,
why do we want to be number one?
Yes we are each..

“a flower unlike any other in the world
and each and everyone of us carries a different seed
We should focus all our efforts on trying to make that flower bloom”

I was crying in my heart

It was so deep!

I can’t help to make myself down for a while to recognize that I was perfectly wrong yesterday. I want to keep falling, but I know I still could stand to make my self move forward. Nothings else to be think of. Nariyuki, sou da yo ! Tsuyoku naru. Mae ni susume. (be strong, move forward).

-------Tsuzuku----